Suicidal Tendencies - Suicidal for Life (1994)

Plenty of people consider Suicidal for Life the worst Suicidal album. Which is fair. But first of all, those people are wrong because Still Cyco After All These Years exists. Second: it's not on streaming so it's my responsibility as a shitty blogger to keep it in digital circulation.

Third: I want to paint you a picture. Close your eyes. Wait, shit, you can't read like that. Open your eyes. Imagine it's the mid-90s, and you're a suburban kid in your early adolescence with pretty much the exact same taste in music as Beavis & Butthead, and you think "The Goat" is comedy's greatest achievement. Yesterday was your birthday and you got a nice little stack of CDs. You pop on the S.F.W. soundtrack, which you asked for because it features Marilyn Manson, Hole, and GWAR. Aside from the Pretty Mary Sunshine track, every track is hitting. But then, a massively overdriven groove metal riff swings its dick at you and some cool dude starts shout-rap-singing the following lyrics:

"You talk your shit but I ain't listenin' / And I don't do no ass-kissin' / Now here's the point that you've been missin' / No fuckin' problem at all"

And all of a sudden you are absolutely losing your shit, throwing yourself into walls, moshing with your pillows, and you need more Suicidal. So you track down the CD with this song on it, see that tracks 2-6 are called "Don't Give a Fuck", "No Fuck'n Problem", "Suicyco Muthafucka", "Fucked Up Just Right", and "No Bullshit", and you start levitating. You plop down the money, fire up the Discman, and following a terrible, cringe-inducing intro track that your dumb-ass thinks is hilarious, the album proper kicks off with:

"I don't give a shit / I don't give a fuck / Your opinion don't mean shit to me and your shit's about to fall"

Nothing could be better. You play it for all your dumb suburban adolescent friends and everyone agrees that it's the absolute shit, and all is well. Then one fine Friday at the youth fitness center, your fitness instructor hears you talking to your friend about this album, tells you how dumb you are, and lends you his copy of the self-titled, an absolute peerless 10/10 classic. Of course, it completely knocks your socks off. Plus you just so happen to be in the middle of deciding to be punk now so it works for your new personal brand. Pretty soon you're renouncing your love for Suicidal for Life, White Zombie, Metallica, Guns 'n' Roses, soccer and all the rest, and committing yourself to a life of NOFX, Crass, Op Ivy, and Dead Kennedys.

Somewhere, Adam Sandler sheds a single tear.

Then like 30 years later you randomly decide to put it on while you're doing pushups and you're like, "hey, if you ignore how terrible it is, it's actually pretty good!" You finish your pushups, sit on the couch listening to "Benediction" trail off for the first time since you shared bedroom walls with your sister and your parents, and you realize that finally, after all these years, you truly don't give a fuck again. And all is well.

Track listing:

1. Invocation

2. Don't Give a Fuck

3. No Fuck'n Problem

4. Suicyco Muthafucka

5. Fucked Up Just Right

6. No Bullshit

7. What Else Could I Do?

8. What You Need's a Friend

9. I Wouldn't Mind

10. Depression and Anguish

11. Evil

12. Love vs. Loneliness

13. Benediction

You ain't alive if you ain't livin'

You waste your life whinin' and snivelin'

So buckle up 'cause now I'm drivin'

No fuckin' problem at all

More dubious adolescent favorites:

Psychotica - Psychotica (1996)

Skrew - Shadow of Doubt (1996)

Artillery - By Inheritance (1990)

A stone classic of epic thrash from a Danish metal institution. If you like old school metal at all, there's a very good chance you'll love this record, if you haven't already heard it. This school term, which is essentially my last (I have one more course to take in the spring) has been extremely demanding from the jump, so I'm breaking out the big guns. Relatedly, I really don't know how much time I'm gonna have for this blog in the coming weeks, so expect posting to be even more sporadic than usual.

Track listing:

1. 7:00 from Tashkent

2. Khomaniac

3. Beneath the Clay (R.I.P.)

4. By Inheritance

5. Bombfood

6. Don't Believe

7. Life in Bondage

8. Equal at First

9. Razamanaz [Nazareth cover]

10. Back in the Trash

Curse your name

You should also hear:

Forbidden - Forbidden Evil (1988)

Dark Angel - Time Does Not Heal (1991)

Witches - 3.4.1 (1994)

Ripping, fantastical, progressive French thrash. The band's ambitious songwriting is balanced by decidedly unadorned production and frontwoman Sibylle Colin-Tocquaine's hoarse howls, which give the whole thing a raw, almost crusty veneer.

Track listing:

1. Horror Museum

2. Crystal

3. Mirror of Memories

4. Black Sorcerer

5. And Then Came the White Lords

6. High History

7. Three Heroes...

8. ...For One Goal

9. The Eye

10. Lords of the Precious

11. Wind of Time

12. Eternal Heroes

13. Cod Name Experiments

A giant clock reaching all the dimensions

If you like this, try:

Dark Angel - Time Does Not Heal (1991)

Acrimony - In Unknown Direction (1992)

Dover Trench - Exhibition of Speed (1991)

Killer US thrash metal. Runs the gamut from ambitious, tech-y epics to crossover mosh-bait.

Track listing:

1. Acid Test

2. Trench Death Gestapo

3. Most Holy

4. Married Murderer

5. Punishment (A.S.D.)

6. Forcing House

7. Face Plate Removal

8. Bonecreature

9. America First

10. Friction Burns

11. Lurch

12. The Immortal Few

Killed and killed and killed again

Also listen to:

Chakal - The Man Is His Own Jackal (1990)

Acrimony - In Unknown Direction (1992)

Blood Storm - Pestilence from the Dragonstar (1999)

US black/thrash excellence. Front-to-back annihilation. Why this band doesn't get more love is absolutely beyond me.

Track listing:

1. Wrath and Vengeance

2. Death Thunder

3. The Chaos Magician

4. The Angel Web

5. Sirius Rebellion

6. Successor to the Plague Gods

7. Oruthaaht Xun Xihron (The Intellect Devourer)

8. Nibiru Assassins

9. Invader of Darkness

Exalted with the furious Zothyrian horde spawned in the serpents of blood growling death

Keep this pit going:

Nocturnal - Arrival of the Carnivore (2004)

Force of Darkness - Force of Darkness (2006)

Törr - Armageddon (1990)

Czech black/thrash. Lots of heavy, mid-paced evil that can be traced directly to Celtic Frost, with a twist of Venom.

Track listing:
1. Chrám smrti
2. Žal
3. Vra se ke psùm
4. Smlouva s peklem
5. Samota v smrti
6. Král mor
7. Lady Madeline
8. Zlej sen
9. Posedlá
10. Padlý chtíè
11. Armageddon

Made in hell

You should also hear:

Filii Nigrantium Infernalium -
A Era do Abutre (1995)

Sabbat -
The Dwelling (1996)

Vulcano - Bloody Vengeance (1986)

Old-school Brazilian black/thrash. 23 minutes of raw, full-tilt, slop-filled thrashing destruction. Oof, the "Holocaust" breakdown just hit and I almost smashed my computer against the wall.

Track listing:
1. Dominios of Death
2. Spirits of Evil
3. Ready to Explode
4. Holocaust
5. Incubus
6. Death Metal
7. Voices from Hell
8. Bloody Vengeance

End will come as an explosion

You'd also like:

Morbid Saint -
Spectrum of Death (1988)

Anal Vomit -
Demoniac Flagellations (2004)

Holy Moses - Finished with the Dogs (1987)

Previously on OPIUM HUM:
Holy Moses - Walpurgisnight (1986)

Classic German thrash. Tight, ripping, and weird. The German thrash scene in the 80s was unmatched, and Finished with the Dogs is one of the best albums it produced. And thanks everyone for your thoughts re: modern thrash. Looks like I'm finally gonna have to check out Vektor.

Track listing:
1. Finished with the Dogs
2. Current of Death
3. Criminal Assault
4. In the Slaughterhouse
5. Fortress of Desperation
6. Six Fat Women
7. Corroded Dreams
8. Life's Destroyer
9. Rest in Pain
10. Military Service

On that prickly cactus there
Two mosquitos makin' love
In the heat, a man in sight
His teeth are shining - they kiss his heinie

You should also listen to:

Assassin -
Interstellar Experience (1988)

Grinder -
Dawn for the Living (1988)

Renegade - Total Armageddon (1987)

Old-school Australian thrash. A sloppy, mosh-y, Satanic good time. A commenter on one of my year-end lists asked about the lack of thrash (and grind), and I said that I don't really stay current on those subgenres. It got me thinking, though, and I think I'm generally less interested in 'modern' thrash because it seems hopelessly lost in the past. Sure, there's plenty of throwback stuff in the BM and DM scenes -- and I dig a lot of it -- but it's counterbalanced by a whole lotta innovation.

Is there groundbreaking thrash being made that I just don't know about? Or is everyone just content to make watered-down versions of Kill 'Em All and Pleasure to Kill 'til the end of time? Genuinely looking for input.

Track listing:
1. Necromancer
2. Decapitation
3. Black Ritual
4. Lucifer's Reign
5. Total Armageddon
6. Riot Squat Gladiator
7. Maneater
8. Threshold of Death

Black coats, black masses
White blood, drink it down
Black Prince, black magic
To your knees, get down

If you like this, try:

Kat -
Metal and Hell (1986)

Original Sin -
Sin Will Find You Out (1987)

Assassin - Interstellar Experience (1988)

German thrash. I guess people think Interstellar Experience sounds rushed -- due to its under half-hour runtime and the (admittedly odd) inclusion of a cover version of surf hit "Pipeline" by The Shantays -- but I think that those people are confused, because what I hear is pure, head-banging, ass-kicking fun, surf cover included. So say what you will, and like what you like, but if you can't get down with "Junk Food", there's not much I can do for you: you're boring and you suck.

Track listing:
1. Abstract War
2. AGD
3. A Message to Survive
4. Pipeline [The Shantays cover]
5. Resolution 588
6. Junk Food
7. Interstellar Experience
8. Baka

Oreo - the chocolate sandwich
Chocomel - number one drink of Holland
Kit Kat - the British waffle-snack
Bazooka - the best chewing gum

You'd also like:

Forbidden -
Forbidden Evil (1988)

Grinder -
Dawn for the Living (1988)

Original Sin - Sin Will Find You Out (1987)

Satanic, femme-powered speed/thrash metal. By the time you read this, I will be on a houseboat on Lake Shasta, getting hammered and hopefully blaring this record or one like it.

Track listing:
1. Conjuration of the Watcher
2. The Curse
3. To the Devil a Daughter
4. A Slice of Finger (Instrumental)
5. Bitches from Hell
6. The Succubus
7. Pandora's Box
8. Thunder War (Instrumental)
9. Enchantress of Death
10. Disease Bombs

A demon seed enters a womb of corruption
Breeding a satanic spell
A sickening concussion, a newborn eruption
A demon, a terror from hell

You'd also like:

Kat -
Metal and Hell (1986)

Exorcist -
Nightmare Theatre (1986)

GWAR - America Must Be Destroyed (1991)

Previously on OPIUM HUM:
GWAR - Hell-O (1988)

Peak GWAR right here. Inspired by various brushes with censorship -- including Dave Brockie's arrest for "disseminating obscenity," which I guess is legal jargon for "waving a massive prosthetic alien dick around on stage"  -- GWAR came with their most offensive material to date. A concept album revolving around the band's own gleeful depravity, a fascistic morality squad, and a massive, destructive monster created by injecting a T-Rex egg with crack.

They also lean hard into their satire of rock n roll in general, including "Rock N Roll Never Felt So Good", a cock rock send-up about having sex with and murdering a 13-year-old "quadriplechick," and "The Road Behind", which takes on those awful ballads about how tour life sucks that have always struck me as whiny and a bit insulting to fans, making the only good one in the process.

Finally, this is as good a time as any to present my theory that the deaths of Dave Brockie and David Bowie -- or, as future history books will call it, "The Fall of the Two Davids" -- opened up our reality for the endless parade of absurd horrors that is present-day America. The end of The Colbert Report might have something to do with it, too, I'm not sure. But Oderus, wherever you are, you were right: America should have been destroyed years ago.

Track listing:
1. Ham on the Bone
2. Crack in the Egg
3. Gor-Gor
4. Have You Seen Me?
5. The Morality Squad
6. America Must Be Destroyed
7. Gilded Lily
8. Poor Ole Tom
9. Rock N Roll Never Felt So Good
10. Blimey
11. The Road Behind
12. Pussy Planet

Necro-bestial anal butt sex

Other Beavis and Butthead favorites:

White Zombie -
Four EPs

Pantera -
Power Metal (1987)

Bestial Mockery - Christcrushing Hammerchainsaw (2002)

Swedish black/thrash insanity. 100% full-tilt ragers, with a punk-ish, no-fucks-given approach.

Track listing:
1. Bestial Warfare
2. Suicide Blasphemy
3. Bestial Satanic Sacrifice
4. Crucified in Dirt
5. Warfuck
6. Morbid Invertation
7. Chainsaw Inkarnated
8. Raise the Chalice
9. Christcrushing Hammerchainsaw
10. Final Attack

Breaking the bones of Christ
Smashing the face of God

More like this:

Anal Vomit -
Demoniac Flagellations (2004)

Force of Darkness -
Force of Darkness (2006)

Evil Army - Evil Army (2006)

US raw thrash annihilation, with a side of punk. Just discovered this album, and it's some of the best, most ripping thrash I've heard in a second. All killer and absolutely no filler, with only four tracks surpassing the two-minute-mark.  This is the only proper LP that Evil Army has put out, and I'm hoping that they change that ASAP.

Track listing:
1. Edge of Destruction
2. Evil Army
3. Driven to Violence
4. Realm of Death
5. Wrong Approach
6. Sgt. Says Kill
7. Conquer Human Life
8. Severe Mental Disorder
9. Relentless Assault
10. Satan Made Me Do It
11. Scum of the Earth
12. Watch Me Fall
13. Friday the 13th

Overrule this place with fire
Watch it all disappear in flames

You should also hear:

Post Mortem -
Coroners Office (1986)

Morbid Saint -
Spectrum of Death (1988)

Deathhammer - Phantom Knights (2010)

First LP from one of the best thrash metal bands currently in operation. Deathhammer are neither cosplaying throwback shite nor overproduced, overwrought modern shite -- they're just pure, raw, evil thrash.

Track listing:
1. Gates of Hades
2. Blood Token
3. Devilish Dirge
4. Armoured Assassins
5. Plague Mass
6. Ready to Destroy
7. Cold Winds of Death
8. Tornado Blitzkrieg
9. Queen Death

I see the vast black abyss

You'd also like:

Sextrash -
Sexual Carnage (1990)

Urn -
666 Megatons (2001)

Cancer - To the Gory End (1990)

Old-school English thrash-laced death metal. Hateful, violent, and borderline atonal, with precisely zero variation in sound.

Track listing:
1. Blood Bath
2. C.F.C.
3. Witch Hunt
4. Into the Acid
5. Imminent Catastrophy
6. To the Gory End
7. Body Count
8. Sentenced to the Gallows
9. Die Die

Pulling entrails from bleeding carcasses in hell

You'd also enjoy:

Disastrous Murmur -
Rhapsodies in Red (1992)

Horror of Horror -
Sounds of Eerie (1994)

Asschapel - Fire and Destruction (2003)

Ripping, crusty death/thrash. I just read that their vocalist, Eric Holcombe, has passed away. I didn't know him personally, but my old band played a few shows with these guys right around when this record came out, and our melodic d-beat always ended up looking kinda weak next to their precise, crushing ragers. It should go without saying that he was way too fucking young. Play this loud for him.

Track listing:
1. Unholy Destruction
2. The Battle-Axe
3. Carcass Bloody Carcass
4. The Final Command
5. Pray for Blood
6. The Blessed and the Wretches
7. Follow the Fist
8. The Sledgehammer Assault
9. Godwhore
10. Approach the Cashet
11. After the Sacrifice
12. Fire and Destruction

Fuck serenity
Fuck everlasting peace
Fuck eternity
Start the fire
Burn the world down
Rip its fucking heart out

You should also listen to:

Inure -
Inure (Rough Mixes) (2003)

Plaguewielder - Demo (2005) +
Diablero - Demo Tracks (2007)

Dark Angel - Time Does Not Heal (1991)

Monumental US thrash. A seemingly endless supply of tight, punishing riffs -- 246 to be precise -- arranged into some of the greatest thrash songs ever made. And while I'll concede that the vocals are a little yarl-y, if you let that ruin this album for you, you're playing yourself.

Track listing:
1. Time Does Not Heal
2. Pain's Invention, Madness
3. Act of Contrition
4. The New Priesthood
5. Psychosexuality
6. An Ancient Inherited Shame
7. Trauma and Catharsis
8. Sensory Deprivation
9. A Subtle Induction

It's always darkest before it goes
Completely black

You should also listen to:

Acrimony -
In Unknown Direction (1992)

Merciless -
Unbound (1994)

Desaster - A Touch of Medieval Darkness (1996)

Classic German black/thrash. A Touch of Medieval Darkness is more melodic than most blackened thrash, and with some medieval-sounding flourishes and production that's more comparable to Emperor than Sodom, there's a grander sense of atmosphere as well.

Track listing:
1. Skyline in Flames (Intro)
2. In a Winter Battle
3. At Touch of Medieval Darkness
4. Fields of Triumph
5. Devil's Sword
6. Into a Magical Night
7. Crypts of Dracul
8. Visions in the Autumn Shades
9. Porter of Hellgate
10. Home for the Brave (Outro)

Shadows dance around me, whispering into my ear
Those who died proud take me to their realm

You might also like:

Enthroned -
Prophecies of Pagan Fire (1995)

Arcturus -
Aspera Hiems Symfonia (1996)

Force of Darkness - Force of Darkness (2006)

Occult Chilean black/thrash destruction. Nothing groundbreaking, but like my dad always used to say, "You don't have to break new ground to kill people."

Track listing:
1. Intro (Ascension in Morbid Talionis)
2. Valley of the Dead
3. Infernal Gap
4. House of Baphomet
5. Beast Carnage
6. Capricorn's Conspiracy
7. Aeon
8. Crom Cruach
9. Whore of the Untamed Flame
10. Curse in Blood
11. Blood in the Skies
12. Touched by Astarath
13. The Cult of Asmodeus

You cannot avoid the beast

You'd also like:

Körgull the Exterminator -
Dogs of War (2009)

Occult Burial - Occult Burial (2013)
+ Promo MMXV (2015)