Friday, March 22, 2024

Suicidal Tendencies - Suicidal for Life (1994)


Plenty of people consider Suicidal for Life the worst Suicidal album. Which is fair. But first of all, those people are wrong because Still Cyco After All These Years exists. Second: it's not on streaming so it's my responsibility as a shitty blogger to keep it in digital circulation.

Third: I want to paint you a picture. Close your eyes. Wait, shit, you can't read like that. Open your eyes. Imagine it's the mid-90s, and you're a suburban kid in your early adolescence with pretty much the exact same taste in music as Beavis & Butthead, and you think "The Goat" is comedy's greatest achievement. Yesterday was your birthday and you got a nice little stack of CDs. You pop on the S.F.W. soundtrack, which you asked for because it features Marilyn Manson, Hole, and GWAR. Aside from the Pretty Mary Sunshine track, every track is hitting. But then, a massively overdriven groove metal riff swings its dick at you and some cool dude starts shout-rap-singing the following lyrics:

"You talk your shit but I ain't listenin' / And I don't do no ass-kissin' / Now here's the point that you've been missin' / No fuckin' problem at all"

And all of a sudden you are absolutely losing your shit, throwing yourself into walls, moshing with your pillows, and you need more Suicidal. So you track down the CD with this song on it, see that tracks 2-6 are called "Don't Give a Fuck", "No Fuck'n Problem", "Suicyco Muthafucka", "Fucked Up Just Right", and "No Bullshit", and you start levitating. You plop down the money, fire up the Discman, and following a terrible, cringe-inducing intro track that your dumb-ass thinks is hilarious, the album proper kicks off with:

"I don't give a shit / I don't give a fuck / Your opinion don't mean shit to me and your shit's about to fall"

Nothing could be better. You play it for all your dumb suburban adolescent friends and everyone agrees that it's the absolute shit, and all is well. Then one fine Friday at the youth fitness center, your fitness instructor hears you talking to your friend about this album, tells you how dumb you are, and lends you his copy of the self-titled, an absolute peerless 10/10 classic. Of course, it completely knocks your socks off. Plus you just so happen to be in the middle of deciding to be punk now so it works for your new personal brand. Pretty soon you're renouncing your love for Suicidal for Life, White Zombie, Metallica, Guns 'n' Roses, soccer and all the rest, and committing yourself to a life of NOFX, Crass, Op Ivy, and Dead Kennedys.

Somewhere, Adam Sandler sheds a single tear.

Then like 30 years later you randomly decide to put it on while you're doing pushups and you're like, "hey, if you ignore how terrible it is, it's actually pretty good!" You finish your pushups, sit on the couch listening to "Benediction" trail off for the first time since you shared bedroom walls with your sister and your parents, and you realize that finally, after all these years, you truly don't give a fuck again. And all is well.

Track listing:
1. Invocation
2. Don't Give a Fuck
3. No Fuck'n Problem
4. Suicyco Muthafucka
5. Fucked Up Just Right
6. No Bullshit
7. What Else Could I Do?
8. What You Need's a Friend
9. I Wouldn't Mind
10. Depression and Anguish
11. Evil
12. Love vs. Loneliness
13. Benediction


More dubious adolescent favorites:

11 comments:

  1. Cool I was that kid who immediately bought a yellow S.T. Tshirt from the first LP insert and fell off after the metal change/focus but saw and filmed them at later shows (just a few songs then to the batshit crazy pit!!) yeah my gal always said I looked like Butthead ha ha

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  2. You nailed it, that write up is gold mate.

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  3. ¡ Gracias primo ! You rock ~

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  4. if only the record was half as good as your story :)

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  5. I love this record.

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  6. "Suicidal For Life" has to be some kind of oxymoron.

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  7. My favorite of theirs js

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  8. Hip ain't hip, and cool ain't cool, but a fool is definitely a fool.

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  9. I have never liked S/T but this particular blog post is PURE GOLD.

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  10. Great stuff! I loved this album when it came out. Swearing in 5 song titles was a big thumbs up for a 14 year old kid!

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  11. I've always loved how Mike is trying to look all cyco muthafucka in this photo but just comes off looking like someone who's in the middle of a sloppy arse drug bender and someone has yelled 'hoi Mike, give us yer best crazy eyed stare' and he's trying to comply but he's just plain confounded by what's going on around him and he doesn't know how he got there. 9/10 stars for the cover art alone :)

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